You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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