I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
