i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Someone came in the potted fern
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize