I think my vagina is haunted
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
