Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
