No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
