I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
