i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
