I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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