I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
