Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
