If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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