i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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