well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize