My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
