btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
