took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
