the new term for farting is butt boxing.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
