I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My vagina is officially offended.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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