omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
