Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
whose parrot is this?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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