3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize