i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
