if i can run in heels then i can drive
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
