the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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