I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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