I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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