Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
