I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
