Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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