allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
