Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
