She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
