dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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