Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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