I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
