Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
