is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
