well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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