i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
