I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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