we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
