So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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