it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
