remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
