Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We named our party play list daddy issues
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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