theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Houston, we have a blender
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
