you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
