just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize