Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
