Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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