She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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