I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
