you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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