True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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