so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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