Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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