and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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