Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
