The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You ruined the universe
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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