i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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