I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
