Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
