oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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