People in love make me want to vomit
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
