dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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