miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
