Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
