im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
