what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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