there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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