Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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