Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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