I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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