pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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