I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
