That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
