he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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