I just made out with a guy for $7.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
