so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
