omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
