He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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