I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you win again, gameday.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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